Dotty Parker

is this ride is not for you?

I must say that I am in shock. I continue to be in contact with graduate schools. Syracuse has said, "Nope." I can deal with that. I can make up reasons why that might be true. I can say that it was because I submitted my application at the last minute and submitted the supporting materials after that. The spots were just full when they got to me.

I can live with that and prefer not to be disabused of that notion.

Binghamton, however, says

Our concerns relate more to what appeared to be some anxiety on your part about the stresses that you (or any student) might encounter in a field placement. While we do our best to support students in field, it is sometimes difficult to predict how best to support a student given some of the unknowns that one might encounter.

Your relative lack of experience working in human services is also a concern. While we only require that students have some human service-related experience prior to admission, those that do not have any experience working within human service agencies sometimes encounter considerably more stress acclimating to the program during their first semester than those who have some familiarity with human service agencies.

While we certainly appreciate your strong interest and preference for the full-time program, enrollment in the part-time program would give you an opportunity to become more acclimated to the field of social work before being confronted with the stresses of a field placement. Should we offer you admission to the part-time program, and you decide to enroll, you would have the opportunity to shift into full-time after completing the foundation curriculum, provided space is available. These are just some considerations for you to keep in mind. If you have any additional thoughts or questions, please feel free to contact me.

I would so very much like to share my real thoughts and feelings.

I'm royally pissed.

I did tell her that I believed I was most qualified to determine what I could handle and that any anxiety I displayed was neither intended nor felt.

What I really want to ask, though I am a delicate flower, what about me suggests that I am too delicate to deal with going to school full time?

I also want to ask this: what the hell kind of shit is it that you'd give me a half-assed offer for a half-assed program based on what a half-assed student you think I am?

I'm obviously upset about this. I'm upset out of proportion, though. This is a letter from one woman representing the impression of two women who spoke with me for forty minutes (one of them was fifteen minutes late. Ha!).

So why the hell do I care so much?

BrilliantEditor and I were talking about it while I was trying to convert the visceral disgust and embarassment churning in my stomach into something more useful, like room for dessert.

He said something like What about this decision is making you feel so afraid and angry?

And BOING! It popped into my head. The adequate explanation of how I felt.

First, as I'm sure I've droned on about, I hate being underestimated. So before I do something, I'm very sure that I can be successful or that I can deal with rejection.

So this woman who wrote me the letter has underestimated me! I have no way of convincing her otherwise. I am neither successful nor rejected. And so I feel like a grown up at a really screwed up amusement park.

I imagine that I walk up to the scary roller coaster and get in line and wait in line and grow more and more confident and excited as I reach the turnstile.

Yet! When I reach the turnstile, the woman from Binghamton University is sitting there. She's next to the sign of the cute bear who's holding his hand up to the five feet tall mark. The little bear sign says that you can't go on the ride unless you're this tall.

I'm ready to waltz through that turnstile and wait to be put into one of the little cars, "provided space is available."

But Binghamton woman puts up her hand and says, "Hmm, you're certainly tall enough, but we're concerned that your pants might be loose and fall off if you lose weight."

Imagine my surprise!

"We are simply not prepared to stop the ride and haul you out when you begin waving your hands hysterically and demanding that the entire ride be stopped while we find you a tailor. It's obvious from looking at you that you and your trousers will need rescuing on a scale that we can only imagine.

"Please consider the kiddie ride next door. They have a hedgehog sign, not a bear. Even though the sign is irrelevant, you and your pants might become acclimated to rollercoasters that way."

What?!

I'm so pissed. I want a shot at the big kid coaster no matter what they think of my trousers.

Posted by dotty at June 6, 2004 10:18 PM