September 22, 2004
cheap date
Generally speaking, I like expensive things. I rather have well-made clothes than the ones found at Wal-Mart. I'd rather have a car that works rather than one that belches oil and screams when I ask it to stop. When I look at things in catalogs, I tend to pick the things that I can least afford.
In other words, I'm snooty and kind of happy to be so.
Enter demon alcohol. Two bottles of Oerbier that Mr.Sprinkles left when he went home have entered into the rushing blood stream of yours truly. Tee hee, I feel very toasty. I'm sure my cheeks are pink. Focusing takes longer than I'd like.
In other words, I'm a bit past tipsy and a bit before drunk. What the hell is going on? Two bottles of beer and I'm as giddy as a school girl. I think this is not going according to my plan.
PTAMom says that she's a cheap date. I don't think that's true. I suspect it was true twenty or thirty years ago. I suspect that a glass of wine or two would have turned her into a willing participant in the game of love had she not been a prudish Catholic college girl.
(This picture, minus my adjustments, belongs to Catholic Supply of St. Louis, Inc. I'm afraid they'll kick my ass if I don't tell you where it's from. Or send God down to do it.)
Now, however, she can drink more than two glasses of wine and still manage to have one or two or three glasses more.
Cheap date? I think not.
I once got very drunk with PTAMom and her sister, MmmKay. This was extraordinary. I thought so, anyway. In an instance of what might be called bravada or what might be called ballsiness, I had a cigarette in front of my mother.
Yow!
She said, "How dare you!"
I said, "I heard you say that you knew I smoked. I heard you say with disdain that it was stupid of me to hide it from you. So here I am, Mom. Smoking smart in front of you."
She said, "Smart ass."
MmmKay said, "Want some more to drink?"
MmmKay had brought Cask and Cream with her. It was some kind of Bailey's replica. We drank it with reckless abandon. I wanted ice. At the beginning.
We finished the bottle. That's waaaaaay too much to drink for a trio of cheap dates. I ended up giggling crazily and annoying the hell out of BrilliantEditor when we went to bed. Before all that, though, MmmKay continually said, "HelLOOOOO!" Things like this, "And then he missed the turn for the house. I mean, helOOOOOOO!" were heard throughout the evening and with increased frequency.
PTAMom seemed to be in pretty good shape. I was not. MmmKay was absolutely funny not in good shape. She sat at the table wailing, "I can't take out my contacts!" She was too damn drunk to take out her contact lenses. All of use were laughing so about this with her right there. We said, "Oh my God, she can't take out her contacts. I mean, helOOOOOO!"
Happily, Dr.Dad knows how to do all kinds of eyeball things. With a skill I am not sure I want to acquire, he magically made them appear in her contact lens holder. She tipped her head back, he touched her eyes gently, and yoink! yoink! no more lenses. Her husband took her upstairs and put her to bed.
Now we come to the true test of a cheap date. PTAMom and MmmKay woke up ready to go! Wooohoooo! "Let's take Grandma to church," MmmKay said. PTAMom had coffee and tasty breakfast ready to go. Dotty Parker said, "What the hell is wrong with you people. You're too loud. I'm going back to bed."
Cheap date, my ass.
Posted by dotty at September 22, 2004 10:44 PM