December 21, 2004
zang!
I had coffee with CoolCat today. I ordered decaf coffee. You know, the kind of coffee that doesn't make me crazy? Well, guess who got some other kind of coffee!
Me! Mememememememememe! Me!
Being a clever guy, CoolCat flew outta Christmas town before the drug went to work. Very clever. He did not have to witness the next bit. I went Christmas shopping after I had the coffee. Coffee coffee coffee coffeeeeee! I needed some advice about my purchase and the fellow who was paid to give me advice was doing a really, um, not good job.
Caffeine does funny things to Dotty Parker. Everything was dandy for a good long time. I was shopping, asking questions in my usual persistant way when ZANG! it was all over. Mmmmhmmm! In the middle of the store it happened. I
t occurred to me that since the employee didn't know what the hell he was talking about I should ask someone else. So I asked someone else. Not an employee, but a person who doesn't work there. You know, someone who isn't an employee. Who spent half an hour with me helping figure out how to do things as simple as tying my shoes and as complicated as building a raft out of toothpicks, chewing gum, and the memoirs of Henry Kissinger.
Half an hour! Out of his life! To help me with Henry! Zang!
I even tried to get rid of him, but the coffee was contagious. He was on a mission! He was destined to find the product of my dreams! And he did. What a charmer! Perhaps he was a snake charmer.
*music* *Doo de doo doo doo.* *There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance.* That kind of snake charmer.
Or not.
Then I went to buy wrapping paper. Apparently caffeine makes me indecisive, too. I spend quite a long time choosing wrapping paper. As if anyone else knows if I chose the wrong one. As if there is a wrong one. Although I do think the Scooby Doo paper might be wrong. I'll have to rethink the use of that wrapping paper. I've sent diamond cufflinks (I love those French cuffs!) to my secret admirer, but maybe I should have waited to get some fancy paper. It probably would make a better impression. Maybe SpongeBob SquarePants paper would have been better than old Scoob. I sure hope my secret admirer is forgiving. Those Yogi Bear cufflinks were very expensive.
But about going to buy wrapping paper...it's hot in those stores. Why do they do that? People are dragging around their coats. (People being me.) And it's still hot. I wore a sweater today. And my favorite, toasty silk shirt. Mmmmmm. It's never quite warm enough at home. Although home is warm, it has drafty spots. So the toasty shirt and sweater seem like a good thing. But they don't seem like that when I get to the mall and shop around a bit, perhaps it's more evident when the caffeine kicks in full force, but hooahhhhh, too warm. Too warm!
No wonder shoppers are angry people. They should be wearing some kind of summer hiking gear. They should have one of those Camelback things so they can sip Gatorade laced with calming St. John's wort or the hypnotic valerian or the exciting guarana!
(Have I told you that we gave Spring valerian once? She had an Elizabethan collar on so she wouldn't scratch at her stitches. She was miserable and she kept walking around banging into doorways. I gave her valerian to make her get calm. It was the weekend and the vet was elsewhere. It's not a sedative. It's a hypnotic. Oops. She walked into the closet and stared out at us for hours.)
I'm dreaming of a drinkbox (bag) full o' liquid and herbal refreshment to make shopping easier. Mmm! Maybe I'll get myself one.
With caffeine!
Posted by dotty at December 21, 2004 10:39 PM