February 06, 2005
it's not that easy being green
I've had a tummy ache for a few days that has occasionally threatened to be an angry tummy ache. Generally the fire and fury subside into a passive aggressive tummy ache. Yet, when the angry tummy threat arises, I begin to feel a bit green. Eww.
I went to BoPeep's baby shower today. I intended to bring a green blanket and a yellow one. I only managed the yellow one. My face, however, may have counted as just as much green as BoPeep could have wanted.
I wasn't succeeding in ignoring the conversation coming from the other side of the room. From there, wafting on putrid breezes, were stories of how delivering a baby feels and how anything and everything might be experienced.
But they were only talking about the "horror stories".
If I were the mom-to-be, I would want people to lie to me. Oh yes, please, lie to me about everything. Tell me that magical flower petals will fall from the sky. Show me a delivery room with a disco ball and plush carpet. A silk charmeuse hospital gown. Explain, laughing, how the Vlaasic pickle stork will come flying through the window. He'll throw a pickle spear at me and hey! A baby! Boy or girl? Dill or sweet? That's the surprise!
There were no lies. And my tummy ache began saying, "Don't listen. Don't listen." It was getting much easier to be green. Although it didn't feel so easy.
Then, on my right-hand side, saving the day, a woman began talking about the hot flash she was currently experiencing. I fanned her with some baby stickers to try to cool her off. She had limited opportunity for cooling herself since she can't move her neck since undergoing a surgical procedure, the recovery of which involves wearing hockey gear to keep her head on straight.
Why was it better to listen to some of the gorier details from spinal surgery?
I've determined two reasons:
One, I'm allowed to make grossed out faces when they talk about how and where the surgeon makes the incision. (It's not always a good thing to squish up my nose and say, "Jesus, that sounds like it sucks.")
Two, I can't see the problem Madam Head Gear was talking about being brought up about me at dinner. "So, Dotty! Do you and BrilliantEditor plan on having your spine surgically altered with bone from your hip?! Oh! But it's so rewarding! You'll change your mind. You hardly remember that skeletal scarring."
A disclaimer--Babies have been starting to seem as very cute little monsters. It's a jarring revelation to realize that biology might, in fact, influence my view on the world. An inescapable biological drive to see what I would look like smaller! Yet we must recall that the biological influences can go both ways, and today, well, these particular biological details were making me feel green.
And it's not that easy being green.
Posted by dotty at February 6, 2005 10:47 PM